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I disagree with Oswald Chambers. I do this in full recognition that I am flirting with heresy; but I feel I  am right deep down in my soul. Oswald says that after the Lord asked Peter for the third time “Do you love me?”, that Peter was pained because he knew that he loved the Lord. On this we disagree. I believe strongly I am right because I am so like Peter. Peter is performance driven. He believed, as I did, that we are loved for what we do. Further, that if we were truly known, we would not be loved because deep down we are unloveable. Peter had run a pretty good scam. He played the role of the strong and dependable and he played it well.  But his world was shattered on the night of his betrayal when he was shown to be the weak and frightened little boy he was. Jesus knew him and, therefore, Peter knew, he could not be loved. Yet on the third asking of the question, “Do you love me?” Peter realized in a life changing emotional moment that even knowing him completely Jesus, loved him. It changed Peter forever. I recall the moment, not […]

All love is a gift from God; whether it is phileo, or brotherly love, eros, sexual love, or agape love. Agape love is a special gift from God. It is love as God loves without condition. It is the most mysterious and rarest of love. After Peter had betrayed his Lord, he learned that it is truly something special. Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you truly love (agape) me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love (phileo)you.” Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.” Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you truly love (agape) me?” He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love (phileo) you.” Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.” The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love (phileo) me?” Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love (phileo) me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love (phileo)you.” Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.” The details of this exchange are  greatly debated; but one thing seems clear. By his betrayal Peter had shown he did not have that unconditional, self-sacrificing agape […]

On the Saturday following a Kairos weekend a group of the volunteers returns to Angola for a one day training session. During the session we teach the men the details of holding a prayer and share meeting. Since the establishment and success of the weekly prayer and share meetings is the purpose of Kairos, these Saturday meetings are important. Not all 40 plus members of the team go back for these Saturday sessions. Yesterday about 12 went. I normally try to go but did not this Saturday. My decision to return is usually based on a combination of sense of duty and emotion. A bond  is established with the men on the weekend and you know they look forward to seeing team members again; on the other hand the preceding week you have been away from family and there is an emotional tug to stay home. Similarly, a sense of duty tells you to go to the training; but an equally strong sense tells you to stay and take care of responsibilities at home. If we are operating “In Christ” we avoid these dilemmas. With confidence we hear Him tell us the path to take. “Now we believe. Jesus […]

“The well is deep” – and a great deal deeper than the Samaritan woman knew! During the recent Kairos retreat weekend, I had a man sitting next to me who was suffering terribly. He had been in an accident which injured his leg. The principal artery was damaged and blood flow to the toes of his feet was limited. He was in constant pain, waking up at night in tears according to another resident of his dorm. Yet he was determined to make it through the weekend. I suggested he simply sit there and not try to stand when we did or move to chapel when we did, but he insisted that he wanted everything the weekend had to offer.  I prayed that he would have the strength to make it through. During the singing of Jesus on the Mainline, one of the verses tells us :”If you need a healing, tell Him what you want.” The man raised his hands straight up to heaven and by the look on his face it was obvious first that he was telling Him what he wanted and then that he received it. His pain vanished. He came in the following morning […]

I don’t trust God in all things. For me it’s mostly money things where I have problems trusting God. I don’t know why He has always been faithful. However, when money problems come up my response always is: “What am I going to do?” I assume that it is my burden to fix it. OC says: “I am impressed with the wonder of what God says, but He cannot expect me really to live it out in the details of my life!” When it comes to facing Jesus Christ on His own merits, our attitude is one of pious superiority – Your ideals are high and they impress us, but in touch with actual things, it cannot be done. It is all very well to say “Trust in the Lord,” but a man must live.  OC has an interesting theory about this phenomena. “None of us ever had misgivings about ourselves; we know exactly what we cannot do, but we do have misgivings about Jesus. We are rather hurt at the idea that He can do what we cannot. That’s why He has us face problems. A real crisis occurs only when we get to the point where we […]

To be called a martyr these days is generally not a good thing. It usually means that someone thinks you complain too much;  that you are a great or constant sufferer (complainer). But to be a martyr is a great thing: 1 : a person who voluntarily suffers death as the penalty of witnessing to and refusing to renounce a religion, or 2 : a person who sacrifices something of great value and especially life itself for the sake of principle.   That seems to be what OC is talking about when he refers to being “broken bread and pour out wine.” As he says today “I don’t care whether you love me or not, I am willing to destitute myself completely, not merely for your sakes, but that I may get you God.”  Ideally, we pour out our lives loving folks not because they love us but because God has loved us. We call that kind of love “Agape.” But the truth is we want to and need to feel we are loved and if we say we don’t care whether we are loved, we lie.     One of the sad truths of life is that often we […]

Yesterday we had some much needed yard work done. I contracted with someone a friend recommended. He showed up with two “mexicans” who began to tear through our messed up flower beds like Sherman took Atlanta. I brought the guys coffee a couple of times and fixed a big pot of gumbo. They wouldn’t come inside to eat so Rosemary and I and Tim our painter sat outside with them and had lunch. Their English wasn’t great but we learned they were a father and son from Vera Cruz. We had a great lunch time learning about their families and wondering how it would be to move away from home for years, just to be able to send money back to support our family. The dad hasn’t been home in three years.  OC reminds us today: “When a man says he must develop a holy life alone with God, he is of no more use to his fellow men; he puts himself on a pedestal, away from the common run of men.” This morning I got an email with tons of pictures from the Kairos weekend. Of course, none of the inmates are shown only team members. As I […]

“The Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve.” Matthew 20:28.   In some ways, serving in prison ministry is the easiest kind of service. Much of the work takes place on the mountain tops. We’re not always present in the valleys where the real work is. Further, those served in prison ministry are so accustomed to mistreatment that they are extremely grateful when served. Regretfully, such is not the case in day-to-day church ministry.  Because of the structure of most of our churches our pastors and church staff are “employees” of those they serve. The served come to expect not only the service of the servants but the right to direct how that service is performed. Bad for the servant and the served. This situation can cause the servant to forget that it is the Lord who is boss. To further complicate things, many of the served tend to put the servants on pedestals making the servant at times tend to forget he is a servant at all. The Lord made it clear that He came to serve. “We have the idea that a man called to the ministry is called to be a different […]