I have had many titles in my life and I am pretty proud of most of them. Some are based on relationships: husband, father, grandfather, great-grandfather. All pretty cool. Some were based on position: Legalman First Class (U. S. Navy), Pastor, Yes I was a Pastor of a tiny church for a while. It was even smaller when I quit. Attorney – okay that one is a mixture of pride and shame, but you get the idea.
Recently my granddaughter told me, “My brother and I only answer the first couple of times you call.” I said, “Why?” She said, “Because after that you are just “butt dialing.” I knew the term. I’m not that old. I just didn’t like the idea of it being applied to me. After some meditation, I realized that folks often call or text me and ask “Did you call?” They are usually nice enough not to sneer: “Butt Dialer” under their breath, but now I get it.
The problem is I’m not sure how to stop. I don’t keep my phone in my back pocket so I know I’m not a literal “butt dialer.” I have noticed times when my phone seems connected to someone I didn’t call. I usually just hang up and hope no one has picked up yet. I’m never sure how the butt dial was made. So sad.
Upon the realization that I might be a “butt dialer,” I went through a period of reflection on other social sins I might commit. I have unusual hours. I can wake up at 3 a.m. and not go back to sleep until my afternoon nap. I don’t always realize that others don’t keep the same hours and sometimes email, or (horrors) text people. You would think clients and opposing counsel would be impressed by my working at all hours. Surprisingly, this is not so. At least I didn’t call them.
I got to thinking maybe I am saying things I shouldn’t. So I looked up offensive sayings. Here’s the list from one website:
- Peanut gallery
- Spaz
- Hooligans
- Cannibal
- Mumbo Jumbo
- Fuzzy Wuzzy
- No Can Do
- Basket Case
- Rule of Thumb
- Moron
- “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe”
- Eskimo
- Drink the Kool-Aid
- Long Time No See
- Cat Got Your Tongue
- Hysteria
- Tipping Point
- Boy
- Off the Reservation
- Spinster
After realizing I use every one of these phrases, I decided not to check out any other accusatory websites. I mean I don’t use these phrases randomly. For Example:
Peanut gallery – Usually I’m referring to a jury.
Hooligans – unkind jury
Cannibal – Plaintiff’s lawyer
Mumbo Jumbo – Briefs filed by plaintiff lawyers
Fuzzy Wuzzy – Opinions by some judges.
No Can Do – Free legal work
Basket Case – clients expecting free legal work
Rule of Thumb – Gesture made to clients expecting free legal work
Moron – Plaintiff lawyer and clients expecting free legal work
“Eeny, meeny, miny, moe” method I used to determine if I should argue the facts or the law.
Eskimo – I’m completely innocent on this one.
Drink the Kool-Aid – What judges/juries do when they accept opposing arguments.
Long Time No See – Judges/juries who don’t drink the Kool-Aid.
Cat Got Your Tongue – Something I want to say after winning in Court…..
Hysteria – The website says “Back in the days when almost all medical problems were treated with lobotomies and illicit drugs, doctors used “hysteria” as a medical explanation for nearly every sick woman they encountered.” I have to say that’s a better explanation for health care treatment than some I’ve heard.
Tipping Point – That point when the look on the Judge’s face says, “shut up.”
I guess I need to shape up. Instead, next time I’m up at 3 a.m. I think I will text some of the offensive sayings to people I don’t particularly like. Guess I am a Butt Dialer. At least that will be my defense at my harassment trial.
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