Being There – Letting Go

I have had the opportunity to influence three generations of offspring. My influence hasn’t always been great or even positive. I think I’ve learned that the secret is in a proper balancing of Being There and Letting Go.

Being There

Availability. The most important factor in influence whether it’s children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, friends, or associates is availability. Availability doesn’t mean a constant hovering over but a constant, not always visible presence. It means picking up a phone when it rings, responding to a text, sitting in an intense listening mode when a heart is broken and pouring out. 

Listening. I long ago learned I don’t have all the answers. It took me longer to realize that listening to the questions and concerns was more important. In this techno world, many are wondering if anyone is really listening. Listening is the greatest gift and an essential element of being there. 

Cheering. While I write this I am watching a Houston Astros game. I’m a fan, but I’m not doing my team much good. I’m not there cheering them on. We need to complement, fist bump, smile broadly, and cheer those we love. It’s not enough to say “they know how I feel.” We have to show it. Last night I watched Saturday Night Fever. I had forgotten how sad a film it is. It vividly portrays the sad consequences of non-affirmation and the absence of encouragement. It’s less about pointing out error than encouraging positives. Criticize, if you must, in private,  quietly. Praise in public, loudly.

Example. Someone is always watching. They see how we pray, respond, work, speak, and love. They notice when works and words don’t match. They learn about the admission of failure, forgiveness of offense, and actions based on priorities by what is done and not what is said.

Letting Go

Letting Go isn’t the opposite of, but arises from Being There. Parenting from birth is a process of letting go. From watching the first unsteady steps of a baby’s walk to praying quietly in the dark on a child’s first solo in a car – it’s all about wise and timely letting go. 

Being There instills trust in the mentor and confidence in the mentee. Both are essential to the process of maturation. 

Being There – Letting Go gets much harder as I age. They are less physical and more spiritual. Advice carries less authority and must rely more on earned respect. Gray-haired wisdom has never been more necessary and less honored. We need to stay patient – being there and letting go is a process that never ends. It’s how God works; isn’t it.