Author: Nick

This will be my sixty-second Christmas. Anything you do 62 times, you should get right. But I still seem to have trouble getting Christmas right. Maybe I have improved in my approach. For many of my initial Christmases I focused on what I was going to get. As the oldest of nine children, looking back, I didn’t get much. My folks were poor. We didn’t have a car until after I graduated for high school. For years we lived in “the projects.” I will never forget spending hours looking through the Sears “Big Book” for the one thing I could ask for. I remember plotting with my siblings to make sure we didn’t make the mistake of asking for the same thing. I guess I’m way past that. In fact, this year I haven’t given any thought to what I might get for Christmas. I understand from those who love me that I am terrible to buy for. I like to think it’s because I’m a wonderfully complex person. My wife says it’s because I just go out and buy anything I want. Maybe that’s a product of growing up poor. I do spend a lot of time and […]

How often when asked how things are going have you responded “fine” when life was anything but fine. It’s easier to be nice than to be honest. Frankly, when we ask how things are going, we often really don’t want to know. We certainly aren’t looking for a detailed response. Much of our conversation is so superficial. That’s probably acceptable in general, but in our special relationships, it just won’t do. In the fourth chapter of Ephesians, while discussing Christian maturity and growing up into Christ, Paul uses the phrase, “speaking truth in love.” That phrase expresses the balance we need to strive for in our serious conversation. While we need to be honest, the truth can be painful. It must be delivered “in love.” Loving honesty is a trait of the mature Christian. It’s not enough just to say, “I’m telling you that you are a worthless, ugly person, but I’m doing it in love.” Describing our intentions doesn’t make it so. There are elements of loving honesty. First, there needs to be a loving relationship. For there to be loving honesty, there needs to be love. We can’t expect to dive into stark honesty with strangers and expect […]

[33] “Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit.[34] “Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.[35] “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart* brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things.[36] “But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.[37] “For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.” Matthew 12 NKJV   I am often shocked at what comes out of my mouth. I’d like to believe in the concept of “slip of the tongue” the idea that some things we say come from . . . well, nowhere. But that’s not what Jesus said. He taught that the heart and mouth are connected. Our words reveal our hearts.  We normally control what comes out of our mouths, pretty words  that aren’t really us.  You know how it is. […]

“But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one. Matthew 5:37 NKJV  Communication is tough but we make it harder than it needs to be. We can’t seem to just say what we mean. Sometimes it’s political correctness that muddles our speech, but mostly it’s just cowardness that keeps us from saying what we mean.  We do great damage to our relationships for fear of hurt feelings. Sadly, we have no problems telling others what we would not say directly to the one involved.   Trust is necessary to avoid these problems. If we really trust someone, we have no fear of losing their friendship or love if we are honest with them. In fact, complete honesty builds trust and strengthens relationship.  But trust is extremely fragile.  Years of honest communication and the trust established can be lost in an instant. A lie will do it obviously. But even a little less than a lie can hurt. We don’t think of flattery as a lie, but it is and it can kill trust. So can a broken promise. It doesn’t help that we had every intention of […]

There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health. Proverbs 12:18  One out of our young people say they have never had a meaningful conversation with their father. That’s just one of many alarming statistics that could be cited. When it comes to communication most of us stink. We all “know” that communication is vital to any relationship.  We just can’t seem to accomplish it.  It seems easy enough. We can be sailing along in conversation and one wrong word slips out and suddenly we are at war. It is so frustrating, many give up on it and stop trying altogether. And without the fuel of communication, relationships wither and die.  The thing I remember most about my first date with Rosemary was how easily we talked. It may surprise you to know I wasn’t much of a ladies man. I had no experience talking up the ladies. So it was shocking how easily the words flow. We both knew from that first encounter that we were meant for each other.  We can give up on communication. It’s too important.  Have to acknowledge that it’s not easy but worth […]

 16 We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. 17 If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person? 1 John 3:16-17 NLT If we want to be successful in love, we have to be willing to sacrifice. We need to live each moment of each day by the motto “It’s not about me.” This is radical thinking because the prevailing modern attitude is that it’s all about me.  There’s proof everywhere we look: our divorce rate, our crime rate, the state of our country.  All scream, “It’s all about me.” A selfish attitude is a guarantee of a life of misery. The biggest smiles on Christmas morning are on the faces of those who have learned that lesson.  Real joy comes in putting others first.  It’s the miracle of sacrifice.  Is John telling us we need to give our lives like Jesus did because of the need of others, or because it’s the secret to joyous living? I think in some strange twist it […]

 7 Therefore, accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory. Romans 15:7 NLT We seem to have a natural aversion to anything, or anyone, different. This makes our lives very boring. If we live only with those that are like us we may be more comfortable, but we are a lot less challenged and stimulated.  We also have a problem separating the sin and the sinner. Often when we refuse to accept others, we claim it’s because of their sin. But all sin, why do we refuse to accept certain sinners. Sometimes this arises from our own experience. If we specialized in a certain sin before Christ, we are often intolerant of those who suffer from that vice after we are freed from it. There is nothing worse than an ex-anything.  Sometimes we avoid certain classes of sinners, because we are sorely tempted in the areas in which they err. Who can forget the famous preacher who hollered about sexual sins by day while prowling prostitute infected motels at night.  We are called to hate the sin and love the sinner. We could all do a better job of that.  Nick

If we’re going to enjoy loving relationships, we have to learn to forgive. Hurt follows relationship like night follows day. We can’t deeply connect with another without hurt. In fact, the closer the relationship, the deeper the hurt. But forgiveness seems so hard.  Maybe it will help to remember what forgiveness isn’t. Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. When we confess our sins, God forgives and forgets. In case you’re confused, let me set you straight. You’re not God. Don’t expect to have His qualities. Pray that He will help you forget. But forgiveness is a decision that doesn’t automatically promise forgetfulness.  Forgiveness isn’t a return of trust. Just because we have forgiven, doesn’t mean we immediately can trust, or that we should. We are often hurt because we were unwise about whom we chose to trust. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we have to be stupid once again. A key to successful relationships is not just learning to trust, but learning whom to trust.  Forgiveness includes self. Self is involved in forgiveness in two important ways. First, it’s all about self. We don’t forgive to help the offending person. They are likely unhurt and often unaware of our unforgiveness.  We forgive because He commands […]