MachoMan

I have these periodic compulsions to take on “manly” projects. I guess it’s an attempt to prove my manhood in a society that doesn’t give a lot of such opportunities. Recently it was my “cable” project. I decided that all of the paraphernalia that comes with cable service, and which had for years been in my upstairs office at home, needed to be in our den. I boldly disconnected every device attached to the cable. I bravely moved the modem, wi-fi, ATT signal booster, TiVo,  signal attenuator, and telephone connection to the den. There are now miles of cables in the room. I insist that just because the “cable” guy has paid many visits to our home since my project began, this is not because of any inadequacy in my project execution.  After several weeks, we now have fully functioning television, phone, internet and security service, like we used to have when it was all upstairs. I feel very macho.

The feeling doesn’t last so just a couple of hours after the cable man left I felt the need for a new project. We have done major work in our yard, tearing down the kids’ rotting playhouse, removing landscape timbers, trimming bushes and trees. This created a huge trash pile. I decided that it was time to burn as much of the trash as was burnable. I bought fire starter fluid, a new lighter and torched the trash pile. I was undeterred that it was the hottest afternoon of the summer. I hauled piles of trash into the inferno. I consumed “gallons” of tea to fight off dehydration. I burned a significant amount of trash before I burned out.

Like Smoky the Bear I put out the dwindling fire and doused it with plenty of water. Feeling much satisfied, I went into the air-conditioned house to savor my manly afternoon. It should have all ended there, but moments later the most vicious line of thunderstorms to hit the area this year arrived. I glanced outside to note that the winds had stirred up the burn pile and it was burning brightly. My attempts to water it down were useless. I had visions of those news reports that we see each summer as valiant fire fighters try to save acres of California wilderness. I figured it would start raining soon. That’s what always saves the California situation. It didn’t rain. The wind kept blowing and lightning began. It knocked the power out and since we have a well, my source of water stopped. I was helpless against the renewed burn pile. All I could do was watch and pray for rain. Although it rained plenty and nearly everywhere yesterday afternoon, it didn’t rain in my yard, not enough to put out the “raging” burn pile fire. I ended up having to load two five gallon water containers into the back of my truck and drown the flames with the contents before the rains finally came. Since the power was out I then had to sit in the dark, smelling of smoke, waiting for the power to come back on so I could shower. I ended up taking my wife out to dinner since we had no power, smelling of smoke and looking like the failed Smoky the Bear I am.

I hope it’s a while before I have another Macho Man compulsion. I would like to think I’m cured, but deep down I know I’m not. I know intellectually I can do nothing without Christ. I guess I need an occasional dramatic demonstration, just so it sinks in. I think I get it, at least for now.