Father’s Day – It’s Not Mother’s Day

For most of my life I have struggled with the differences between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I don’t think I’ve gotten wiser over the years; but I have gained more experience. With that has come some understanding about this difference.

Men and Women are Different.  I guess I should start with what should be obvious, but which I often forget. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs says love best motivates a woman and respect most powerfully motivates a man. As he says, “Though we all need love and respect equally, the felt need differs during conflict, and this difference is as different as pink is from blue!”

I have heard it expressed a bit differently: For men, what we do is important, For women, who they are is dominant. This difference helps explain the Mother’s/Father’s Day differences. Expressing love is easier than expressing respect. Give mom a bouquet and a kiss and she’s good to go. Just check out Albertson’s on the morning of Mother’s Day.

Dad’s are tougher. How do we express respect? We are just not use to it. If we try to do Father’s Day, like we do Mother’s Day, we miss the mark. It’s tough.

What we do is easier to measure than who we are. Respect comes from, and doesn’t come from,  a series of actions or failures to act. Report cards are easier for respect than they are for love. It takes lots of “being there” to make up from just one “not being there.”

There is a heavenly Father.  We fathers have a tough model to live up to. Jesus called God, “Father” and not “Mom.” The Father perfectly balances the need for respect and love. He both is and does perfectly. In fact, our imperfect fathers often make it difficult to understand just how wonderful our Heavenly Father is. We have very imperfect human fathers to measure by.

So how should we handle Father’s Day. We all have a Heavenly Father to deal with; some are lucky enough to have an earthly one as well. I suggest starting by forgiving your earthly Father. Since he’s not perfect, he’s failed. Forgive and get over it. Focus on what he has done, even if it seems pitifully little. Show him some respect for what he’s done and a little love for who he is.

We fathers know we aren’t perfect. Father’s Day kind of embarrasses us because we are perfectly aware of our imperfections. It’s plenty to know we must have done something right and that’s exhibited by just who are children have become.

Give  your perfect Father some time today as well. Confess your failures as a child. Remember He deserves respect and love. He wants just what your earthly Father wants, a little time together.

Happy Father’s Day.