Just shut up.

Yesterday I encouraged you to be a Fearless Lover. I pointed out we need to be Fearless, particularly in these end times; but we need to do so in a loving way that allows our message to be heard.  Soon after writing that post I faced a real-life example of how hard that can be. I attended a team building meeting for Kairos Prison Ministry. Our slogan is Listen Listen Love Love. We try to bring the love of Jesus into prisons. Listening is hard work and many of us are natural talkers. Further, silence makes us uncomfortable so we tend to talk to fill it. Yet that very silence may be encouraging a timid person to finally speak out. In the past we have struggled with volunteers who, through nervousness or habit, just can’t seem to shut up and let our guests do the talking. It has been very frustrating.

Yesterday at our meeting we were discussing what to do with the person who doesn’t seem to want to talk. I insisted “Just Shut Up.” Someone else, a new volunteer,  wanted to keep talking about it and I just kept saying, “Just Shut up.” Finally the speaker got the message and shut up. He seemed hurt and most in the room looked at me like I had killed a puppy. I apologized to the man later and he shared that his inability to stop talking was a long standing problem that had affected his relationships and that he need to hear what I had said. I know he was being gracious. I still apologized and still felt like I should be reported to the Humane Society, and probably I have been. I know that yesterday was significant in this man’s life, but I don’t know if I played a positive or negative role.

Being a Fearless Lover doesn’t always mean you will be loved in return or even liked. We put a high value on being nice. But sometimes tough love is necessary. It’s a very delicate balance between being a tough fearless lover and being a jerk. Sometimes you don’t know if you’ve crossed the line and often others will think you have, even if you haven’t. 

Our mission isn’t to be loved but to love. We are imperfect and our attempts to love fearlessly can bring us into peril. We can’t base our behavior on our need to be  popular. God is our judge. If we let men take over that role we are doomed. Loving doesn’t necessarily mean being nice. Jesus wasn’t nice to the Pharisees or the money changers; but then He was Jesus and He had a perfect sense of when tough love was needed and when a tender touch was required. In case you forgot, I’m not Jesus.

Yesterday was I a Fearless Warrior or a Jerk? The votes have not been tallied and even I’m not sure. Did I get it right this time? Will I get it right next time? I don’t know. 

If loving was easy, everyone would do it. Maybe next time I’ll just shut up. But then again maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll follow my own advice from yesterday and pray first. Yes, that’s seems right.

Struggle on, Just Shut Up and be blessed.

Nick